Wednesday, March 03, 2004


I couldn't sleep last night, so I got up at around 3AM and told Nikki I needed to go out to clear my head. The pressures of the last couple of weeks including all the new stuff I need to write has finally gotten to me. In addition, I still have all these other creative things I'm supposed to write on my plate: finish 2 or 3 plays and new fiction for Forlorn and new stories for publication.

I realized I short-circuited when my sense of what I had previously completed intruded on the things I had yet to do. I found myself in an odd deja vu scenario, writing something already finished (and no wonder it was suspiciously easy). It is not a lack of ideas, because they're coming and coming fast, but rather a matter of prioritizing the order in which I resolve things. Sadly, the purely passionate creative tasks need to take a back seat to the commercial creative work - because the opportunity may not come again.

When I was younger, I was afraid that if I did not immediately sit down and write the moment inspiration struck, I would lose the mad idea forever. As I grew older, I realized (that at least for me) it was not the case. In fact, sometimes it is better to leave the idea alone and deliberately let it stew before committing any time and effort. Often, the dross is expunged when excitement fades, leaving the fine kernel behind.

So I walked, my mind whirling with ideas and schedules and anxiety, and made my way to one of the ubiquitous Ministops in the area. I am thankful for these 24-hour places where I can get something to eat, something to read, something to smoke, something to drink.

The blank table covered by my purchased cluttered echoed my state of mind. So much to think about, so much to do.

A couple of hours later I walked back home (again, I'm thankful I'm a condo dweller in a relatively safe area in the city) and welcomed sleep, since my exhausted mind could not cope with any more scenarios or story ideas or what ifs?

I think everyone needs a Ministop once in a while. Not the thing itself, but what it stands for. A time away from everything and everyone, alone to think or ponder or project. A quiet place away from distractions whether imposed or beloved. I am surrounded by people almost all the time - at work, at home, at play.

But sometimes, I just have to get away and take a mini-stop in solitude.


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