Tuesday, October 22, 2002

still ill

I've been fighting flu-like symptoms since Saturday and I'm not certain I'm getting better. I have a consistent low buzz headache, cough and feel fatigued at the slightest effort. I can't just rest and lay around because of all the things that still need to be done, so I do my work like a doped guy.

The problem is not my physical state, but rather my mental one, since much of what I'm doing right now involves analyzing, planning and making recommendations for various clients. The last thing I want to do is to present something utterly insipid, ill-thought or jacklegged to people paying me for my creative capacity.

Sometimes though, it just strikes me as, well, kind of stupidly unnecessary. When I'm hired as a consultant I often see that the solution is patently obvious and well-within the abilities of the client to formulate and execute. And yet they don't, hiring people like me to do part of the thinking for them.

If you think about it, the notion of a specialized thinker as part of soceity is as old as the hills. The absurd part for me is being cognizant of the fact that if people just stopped and thought about their problems and circumstances, they can identify solution sets and whatnot. Sometimes, the argument of needing objective distance is posited as the rationale for having others do your thinking, but I don't necessarily subscribe to that idea.

Do I enjoy thinking for others?

Most of the time, yes. Especially if the challenge is complex and I feel I have a chance of failure. Circumstances like that make me do my best so as not to flop.

But during times like now, while I'm still ill and my brain is mush, I actively resent having to think for others.

I just want to sleep, really.


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