Thursday, September 12, 2002

fear & paranoia

My extended early morning meeting with the American consultant of one of our larger clients went pleasantly enough. Once again, I was expecting the worst, given the unusual circumstances that led to the meeting. He opened with "It is not the drive to be the best that motivates me. It's fear and paranoia."

Fear and paranoia versus the drive to be the best.

After the meeting, I was reflecting on that particular dichotomy, away from the business context. If I lived my life as a simple matter of survival, then yes, fear is good. Paranoia will keep you alive. But my life is more than a matter of survival.

Writing-wise though, I need to compete. I need to constantly improve and I do that by setting myself against better writers.

Business-wise, since I do not run a charity, paranoia is justified - though it is not the kind of environment in which I'd thrive. But is it something I'd implement? In rational amounts, controlled paranoia is healthy. But I believe better in running a business wherein you do things you love doing and keep doing it well. Of course, you should make money from that. If not, abandon your idealism and work at whatever crappy job to pay your bills and feed your wife and child.

Question: can people be creative surrounded by fear and paranoia?


My partners and I went to Dampa, in Paranaque. This cluster of restaurants offer fresh seafood by the kilo, cooked in whatever way you want. So, yes, we pigged out on kilos of buttered prawns and grilled squid, with chopsuey and liempo (because pork is the best, seafood restaurant or not). All you want to eat is sold in the wet market a few meters away, so the freshness is guaranteed.

And then, of course, the cigarette. Ah, yes, double your pleasure (one of the reasons, I am told, that people like me smoke).

More and more I'm thinking about setting up a bar or a restaurant in the future. I know it's so far from my areas of competence, but there are many people who can help me put these together. My sister, Reb, after all is a chef who trained in London's West End, and I love to eat. Seems like a good combination.

over na kayo, puede ba

9/11 in the States. okay, okay. o, tama na.

And in case you think I'm insensitive, look for my thoughts on this anniversary somewhere in my archives.

Thursday's Walkabout

horrible tests, some frighteningly dense and well-researched comic book annotations and bibliographies, good old John Constantine, Carey's Lucifer, one of my favorite creators, Matt Wagner, and something just for men.


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