Sunday, March 23, 2003

five reasons i've decided to go to the gym

It's true. I've given in and have a little exercise at last, after all these years.

1. If I keep on the way I am, the owners of Big Buddha will call to ask if I can be their image model (where did all my love handles come from? My God! I used to be a svelte walking stick in my early life!).

2. Because its free (I live just a floor below the condo pool, sauna and gym and it's just too close for my slothful nature to rationalize away).

3. As I grow older, I begin to care about my health (though, obviously, not enough to stop smoking - in fact, the first ciggie after the gym is a fucking headrush. Gentle Reader, meet Mr. Contradiction).

4. Because if aliens invaded the earth and I could save humanity if only I could bench press a Volkswagon, the world would come to bitter, bitter end (we're not looking to be the next cover of a fitness mag, just a little extra bulk of the non-fatty kind, thank you).

5. Because, deep in my heart, I sincerely identify with the guy in the Charles Atlas ad (though I'd still punch the face of anyone who tries to kick sand in my face, after a severe tongue-lashing, which, after all, is one of my God-given gifts).

So is it working? Well, to be honest, I really dislike the effort, but this is about discipline, dammit. But yes, I do feel a lot better, though I think it will be cold day in hell before the tummy goes away (unless I have it surgically removed).


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