think you're smart, eh?

My old diplomat friend, Deric, prior to his new posting to Moscow, sent me a list of exam questions guaranteed to crush my intellectual vanity. Take a break from watching CNN and admiring the good-looking Kenyan and British anchors Zain Verjee and Daljit Dhaliwal. Give it a spin - it's just hilarious.

1. HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, and Africa. Be rief, concise, and specific.

2. MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

3. PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

4. BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

5. MUSIC
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

6. PSYCHOLOGY
Based on your degree of knowledge of their works,evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following:

Alexander of Aphrodisias
Rameses II
Gregory of Nicea
Hammurabi.

Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

7. SOCIOLOGY
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

8. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE
Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

9. ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is apropriate. Be prepared to justify your decisions.

10. ECONOMICS
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas:

Cubism
Donatist Controversy
Wave Theory of Light

Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

11. POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects; if any.

12. EPISTEMOLOGY
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

13. PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in you answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

14. PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any kind of thought.

15. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.