Monday, December 07, 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009
For Benjie
For Benjie
For young people, time is of no consequence. It seems to be always available, ever-present. And so we burned through time, racing through the subsequent years, taking on the challenges of life with a certain sense of glee, extending our personal geographies into literal ones. Benjie settled in Cebu and had a family. I stayed in Manila and had a family. And somehow, in manner of friends overconfident that getting in touch was just a click or a cell phone call away, we permitted the orbits of our lives to overlap less and less.
But from time to time, we’d meet up. And I was amazed at how Benjie’s talent had grown. He became a photographer, parlaying his inborn visual aesthetics into captured images that moved people. He took pictures of me that ended up in my books of fiction, in New York newspapers, that I still use for my social networks on the internet. His talent took him to new heights in Cebu’s artistic and creative community, and he shared his abilities with many.
On the dwindling occasions that we’d talk, we shared our lives’ heartaches and sorrows, the challenges that older men – husbands, fathers and businessmen – face. And we’d be comforted by the fact that we had each other to listen to.
And listen to him I did, for his wisdom and life experience was both similar and dissimilar to mine. I only wish we had spoken more, that I had gone out of my way to see him more. That I could just call him up, right here, right now, and hear his voice, his stories, and schedule a meet-up, a dinner. Anything, anything to see Benjie once again.
A few days ago, Magene contacted me on Facebook and asked me to write something for Benjie. Perturbed, I checked Benjie’s account and found out that my friend, my tough-as-nails younger-than-me friend, had a stroke and had fallen into a coma. I was shocked and saddened, and angry and guilty, and found myself unable to write a word when I sat down to write. Part of me rebelled because I was afraid it would sound like an eulogy, everything in past tense, like things had ended, and I didn’t want things to end.
I sat in my office and cried, uncaring about my employees’ looks of surprise. Then the power went out for hours, leaving me alone with my thoughts and memories and failed hopes. At home that night, I started to write this when the electricity briefly returned, but after a few words, the power died.
As a writer, I often think about endings. In my discipline, endings are constructed, fabricated to either bring closure to the story or create a sense of lacuna, of open possibilities. Most readers prefer happy endings, but the truth of the matter is this: pursue any story to its ultimate end and there is only a goodbye. And we need to say goodbye, I must say goodbye.
The secret to a happy ending is in remembrance of a life well-lived. It is in the recollection of joy and laughter and strength and will. It is in the viewing of images well-planned and photographed, in businesses well-managed and fought for, in a family much-loved and protected and treasured.
This is the time to remember everything that Benjie achieved, in the brief span of years he had, in lives he has touched, in the difference that he made. These memories will soften his passage, because he would not want sorrow but a celebration, never regret but always a means to go forward, to fight, to find ways, to take time to appreciate wonder and beauty. He was that kind of husband, that kind of father, that kind of mentor, that kind of friend.
That kind of man.
Goodbye, my friend. Until we meet again.
Labels: benjie ordonez, eulogy
Thursday, October 08, 2009
litcritters postponed until better weather
Labels: litcritters
last week for submissions for PSF V
Labels: anthology, philippine speculative fiction V, spec fic
no water, no power
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
secondary worlds

The Farthest Shore: An Anthology of Secondary World Fantasy from the Philippines is live and free for reading. Edited by Joseph Nacino and myself, the antho collects stories set in places other than the world we know.
Go and check it :)
Labels: anthology, farthest shore, speculative fiction
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
litcritters readings for Sept 5
Labels: anvil fantasy, ideomancer, litcritters, spec fic
2009 Palanca Awards
Labels: palanca 2009, palanca awards, palanca winners
2009 Philippines Free Press Awards
On August 28, 2009, the 101st Philippines Free Press Awards were held at Carpaccio, Makati City.
Short Story
1st Place - Epic Life by Rhea Politado
2nd Place- Marita Pangan by Mechu Aquino Sarmiento
3rd Place (tie) - Catherine Theory by Sasha Martinez & Bad Heart by John Bengan
Poetry
1st Place - Textbook Statistics by Arkaye Kierulf
2nd Place - Poet Talks to an Old Movie by Sid Gomez Hildawa
3rd Place - Mebuyen by Mikael Co
Finalists (Short Story) -Sunboy by Dean Francis Alfar, Bad Heart by John Bengan, Outlaws by Mary Jessel B. Duque, Big Yellow by Jean Claire Dy, The Death of Roy by Sharmaine Galve, Photo Sessions by Joy Anne Icayan, Catherine Theory by Sasha Martinez, Epic Life by Rhea Politado, Marita Pangan by Mechu Aquino Sarmiento, Wishes Do Come True by Mia Tijam, An Abduction by Mermaids by Eliza Victoria
Finalists (Poetry) - Infinite Mondays by Mads Bajarias, Mebuyen by Mikael de Lara Co, Textbook Statistics by Arkaye Kierulf, Slowness by Marie La Vina, Instructions by Marie La Vina, Meals Without You by Arvin Mangohig, It Is 1980 by Natasha Gamalinda, Poet Looks at Satellite Picture of Home by Sid Gomez Hildawa, Poet Talks to an Old Movie by Sid Gomez Hildawa, The Little Things by Rafael Antonio C. San Diego
Board of Judges
Short Story -Charlson Ong Timothy Montes, Dr. Paraluman Giron
Poetry - Ricardo de Ungria, Danton Remoto, Neil Garcia
Labels: free press awards, philippines free press
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
litcritter readings for aug 22
Labels: litcritters
Monday, July 27, 2009
LitCriiters
Labels: litcritters
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
words of encouragement

Labels: a time for dragons, philippine speculative fiction iv, reviews, spec fic
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
the farthest shore TOC
Labels: anthology, spec fic, the farthest shore
Friday, July 03, 2009
jeffrey ford on philippine speculative fiction IV
The Secret Origin of Spin-Man by Andrew Drilon -- Drilon is not only a fiction writer but a well known comics creator. I've read his fiction before and was struck by the inherent energy and willingness to take chances. This particular story, though, surprised me in that it was a more traditionally written and structured piece with a much more personal story about comics and brothers and where we find ourselves after the years have passed. Beautifuuly written with real emotional impact.
Revenge of the Tiktaks by Noel Tio -- From what I read in the notes to the story, I discovered that this is Tio's first published story. He's off to a great start. It starts with boys in seminary sleeping quarters hearing a strange sound in the middle of the night and escalates into a full blown poltergeist visitation. There is something about the authenticity of the setting and characters here that make the haunting effective.
Breathing Space by Maryanne Moll -- This one's a real gem. I loved the precision in the writing here and the minimalist approach. No excess baggage and yet the story comes across as very powerful. A story about a woman betrayed by her man and a decision to be made.
Monday, June 22, 2009
LitCriiters
Labels: litcritters
Monday, June 15, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
litcritters
Last Son of Tomorrow by Greg Van Eekhout (from Tor.com)
The Secret Lives of Cats by Kristine Kathryn Rusch (from Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine)
A Weeping Czar Beholds the Fallen Moon by Ken Scholes (from Tor.com)
Join us on June 13, 2PM at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, Robinsons Galleria.
Labels: litcritters
Thursday, June 04, 2009
wind
Labels: life
Monday, May 25, 2009
for andrew

Labels: lol cat
litcritters
Labels: litcritters
Monday, May 18, 2009
user-friendly

Nine dream laptops are up for grabs for the people with the most sign ups in www.eyp.ph/userfriendly by July 20, 2009. All you need to do to get a free laptop is to sign up and get your friends to sign up. Go and check it out!
Labels: work
Friday, May 15, 2009
call for submissions - philippine speculative fiction V
Editors Nikki Alfar and Vin Simbulan are now accepting submissions of short fiction pieces for consideration for the anthology "PHILIPPINE SPECULATIVE FICTION V".
Speculative fiction is the literature of wonder that spans the genres of fantasy, science fiction, horror and magic realism or falls into the cracks in-between.
1. Only works of speculative fiction will be considered for publication. As works of the imagination, the theme is open and free.
2. Stories must cater to an adult sensibility. However, if you have a Young Adult story that is particularly well-written, send it in.
3. Stories must be written in English.
4. Stories must be authored by Filipinos or those of Philippine ancestry.
5. Preference will be given to original unpublished stories, but previously published stories will also be considered. In the case of previously published material, kindly include the title of the publishing entity and the publication date. Kindly state also in your cover letter that you have the permission, if necessary, from the original publishing entity to republish your work.
6. First time authors are welcome to submit. In the first four volumes, we had a good mix of established and new authors. Good stories trump literary credentials anytime.
7. No multiple submissions. Each author may submit only one story for consideration.
8. Each story’s word count must be no fewer than 1,500 words and no more than 7,500 words.
9. All submissions must be in Rich Text Format (.rtf – save the document as .rft on your word processor) and attached to an email to this address: nikkialfar@gmail.com. Submissions received in any other format will be deleted, unread.
10. The subject of your email must read: PSF5 Submission: (title) (word count); where (title) is replaced by the title of your short story, without the parentheses, and (word count) is the word count of your story, without the parentheses. For example – PSF5 Submission: Meeting Makiling 4500.
11. All submissions must be accompanied by a cover letter that includes your name, brief bio, contact information, previous publications (if any). Introduce yourself.
12. Deadline for submissions is October 15, 2009. After that date, final choices will be made and letters of acceptance or regret sent out via email. Target publishing date is February 2010.
14. Compensation for selected stories will be 2 contributor’s copies of the published anthology as well as a share in aggregrate royalties.
Kindly help spread the word. Feel free to cut and paste or link to this on your blogs or e-groups.
Thanks,
Nikki Alfar
Vin Simbulan
Dean Francis AlfarLabels: philippine speculative fiction V
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
litcritters
Boojum by Elizabeth Bear and Sarah Monette
(from the anthology "Fast Ships, Black Sails" edited by Ann & Jeff VanderMeer
Lily Glass by Veronica Schanoes
(Strange Horizons)
See you Saturday!
Labels: litcritters
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
litcritters - readings for May 2, 2009
Labels: litcritters
Saturday, April 18, 2009
baguio reportage
Cris, who came next, is an ex-journalist who transitioning from creative non-fiction to fiction. She's a fellow for CNF but her text is fiction, which threw me for a loop. It's very well-written, but the discussion tackled the ethics of CNF, the issue of naming real people (which would later be reprised with Jing Panganiban's session). Ever since Mia, I've been intrigued by CNF.
Carlomar presented his poetics for his poetry, expressed in the context of his next collection. He used the language of fashion and talked about voice. He was great to listen to, as he linked his thoughts to his work.
Yesterday, Friday, we began with Jing's poetics, which she calls "Akology". Apparently, one of the concerns of CNF is the "I", so it was instructive to listen to what Jing Hidalgo and the other panelists had to say. My question concerned the issue of truth versus fact, and if what truly mattered was the core subjective authorial truth or insight, rather than the mere facts. Later in her workshop, we tackled her delicious piece and again the issues of naming names came up. CNF is fiction under oath.
Iwa is simply the man. Once I read his transgressive fiction, I was hooked (and that's hard to do given my ineptitude and low ennui levels with text in Filipino). We share similar sensibilities - especially regarding the primacy of story - and I'll look for his books back home. Wasak ang workshop niya - utter fun. Tuwang akong makilala si Iwa, bilang kapwa nobelista pareho ang pinoproblema namin.
Noong gabi, may kaunting inuman, kwentuhan at tawanan - at food trip (pinapak ko yung relyenong bangus).
Today, I woke up before 6AM, looked at the work that has piled up at the office and am thankful once more for this break, kahit isang linggo lang. Pero malapit nang matapos. Malapit na ang uwian. Miss na miss ko si Nikki at ang mga anak ko. Kagabi, tumawag ako at umiiyak si Sage (something about a lizard, hindi ko masyadong maintindihan) at napakalakas ng pagnasasa kong yakapin siya. More and more I realize what is truly important to me. Miss ko rin ang barkada ko (in my absence, Alex ran Call of Chtulhu). Alam kong paminsan-minsan kailangang lumabas sa aking comfort zone para makakita ng iba, makarinig ng iba. Pero tama pa rin si Dorothy about home.
Labels: baguio, writing workshop
Friday, April 17, 2009
to Dumaguete!
Labels: dumaguete, writing workshop
baguio 2009
(Top: Gelo Suarez, me, Carlomar Daoana, Vlad Gonzales, Mikael Co; Bottom: Alvin Yapan, Carljoe Javier, Jing Panganiban, FH Batacan, Cris Yabes, Ayer Arguelles)
Labels: baguio, writing workshop
Thursday, April 16, 2009
workshop update

Gelo's conceptual writing truly challenged my notions on what poetry is (and can be). For now, he has moved into spheres beyond the printed page, engaging his audience in so many different ways. His poetry goes beyond mere shock. One of the things I picked up from him I shall present here right now (nagpaalam ako sa kanya at sabi niya okay lang dahil hiniram din niya ito):
This sentence is speculative fiction if I say so.
My workshop followed next, and as expected parts of it became predictive critique (how can you critique an incomplete novel?). But there were good questions on my process and a little drama (oo naman). The resistance to spec fic is still there, as the critical frameworks used are looking for things that spec fic does not prioritize. Pero (and this is me talking to myself) tama na itong gritted teeth thingie, haha!
During the tailend of Kael's workshop session, an interesting point came up. One of the fellows commented that she used to like these particular poems. But after listening to Kael's poetics, she found herself questioning/maybe not liking them anymore. I agreed with how Kael framed his response - basically, nasa iyo na yun. Poetics are not published next to our work, and the author cannot explain everything to each reader - the text must stand by itself, and if the reader brings something/reads something sa text, then good. If not, well, yun na yun.
Later, we had our Fellows Night. Compared to stressing about our poetics, this was a non-issue. We were tasked to entertain the panelists and guests. Early on, we decided just to go with music (as opposed to anything literary, like reading stuff) so we agreed on 4 numbers, all revolving the single guitar that was miraculously acquired. As things began, tinopak ako and I asked to sing a capella, "Bring Him Home". Masaya naman (and I hope I didn't embarrass myself too much - all in the spirit of conviviality naman kasi) - to the point that Charlson Ong tapped me for an impromptu duet with him, more Les Miserables, this time "I Dreamed A Dream" with me in English and him in Filipino (sabi ko nga sa kanya, "I guess I found my mentor" haha). It was hilarious - and it felt good to just have some fun (halata bang sabik sa Red Box?). Jimmy Abad blew me away with recitations of poems from memory (in particular, "The Flying Monk") and some of our guests gamely got up and performed too (mahirap maging audience sa ganito, haha). Everything was hosted wonderfully by Butch G. and we afterwards, we hung out with beer and whiskey. I stayed up until bumigay na ang mata ko. Masaya, masaya - pero ngayon back to the grind.
There are pictures and other cool stuff over here.
Labels: baguio, writing workshop
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
pine fresh
I've learned much from those who presented their poetics before me. Ayer blew me away with how he approaches his poetry, plus the way he thinks in terms of books of poetry (the analogy would be for me to think of writing a themed collection from the get go). What I had difficulty with was the way the panelists, during his workshop session, asked impossible questions of the (yet to be finished) text and made summary judgements ("this will not work") - predictive critique. Personally, I'd prefer to have submitted a finished/published book/s so the exploration of our growth as writers can be looked at. A work in progress - at least to me - can change completely. Sana kahit first complete draft man lang (although patay kami ni Ichi doon kasi buong nobela ang isusumite).
I guessed the reactions of everyone to Ichi's poetics, infused with clear ideas and vague details (by her choice) of how and why she got to writing. When Ichi had dinner with the LitCritters last year, I remember being shocked and distrubed by what she'd gone through, and have a better understanding of what drives her as a writer. And I think it's cool (and progressive) of the workshop folk to give the two English fiction slots to Crime Fiction and Speculative Fiction.
Listening to Vlad was like trying to catch a deluge with a paper cup. What I like about him (apart from his killer CNF) is the fact that he's brimming over with thoughts and ideas. I teased him about his tendency, when asked a question, to launch into something else he forgot to mention before answering the query. I admire the fact that he's gung ho about exploring the space he's selected. He is one of the few writers I know here in the country whose books sell (it is clear, with four printings of his book and comparisons to Bob Ong that he has readers).
Kael's poetics began with a light moment: Bien Lumbera started by calling him "Mario", before asking him to define critical three terms. Listening to Kael define what drives him, and hearing him articulate his thoughts during the Q&A session was instructive. Butch Dalisay asked the question I wanted to ask: Kael writes in two languages, so how does he choose which language to express that thought?
When my turn came, I dispensed with the original poetics material I submitted and opted to share with the panel and fellows what I (and other spec fic writers here) negotiate when we write fiction. And in the spirit of honesty, I shared my concerns when I wear multiple hats as author and advocate. Along the way, I said that spec fic did not need anyone's validation or permission or approval - but it will be up to us to apply rigor and such. During the Q&A Ichi suggested I lighten up haha. Oo nga naman. Minsan, over itong "balls-to-the-wall" crap ko.
On Monday night we met up with the Baguio and Cordillera writers (and Frank Cimatu! my Facebook friend!). Climbing up six flights of stairs when Bien Lumbera made me want to be him when I'm older - up the stairs, no complaints (I know I'd have bitched about it). Our peers and counterparts were welcoming (if a bit shy at first). I mingled around and introduced myself - and was rewarded when a writer, JM, pulled out a copy of The Kite of Stars and asked me to sign it (siyempre naman happy ako).
Last night, after my poetics, I just felt so tired - but it did not stop me from taking a cab to SM Baguio and buying the one thing I need for better sleep. I found a large pillow, got a pillow case, and suddenly had to deal with a fire at work which involved talking to three people with nary a note in hand. Mukhang okay naman, pero madaming kailangang pagusapan pagbalik,
Today, I woke at 6AM, went out with my cigarettes and laptop and began to write. May dumaan na uwak, big and black and mysterious. Tapos, nawala.
Let's see what happens during my workshop.
Labels: baguio, writing workshop
Sunday, April 12, 2009
no, no, to sarah geronimo and john lloyd cruz (or how i yet live)
I actually like Sarah Geronimo as a singer. But this film, the "inflight" entertainment of the bus, wore away all my goodwill. Gah. So I dozed, going in and out of consciousness, hoping it would be done only to see more and more of the film.
My iPhone saved my brain from total disintegration due to ennui. I used Safari to Twitter and check out some sites (being careful not to engage the 3G capability, which previously cost me an arm and a leg when my bill came), listened to shuffled music (rediscovering a lot of stuff I forgot I had), tinkered with settings, and played the games I've been buying (I still love Virtual Villagers 2, Bookworm, Fieldrunners, Dr. Awesome and Orions), somehow responsibly maximizing my battery life.
When we finally got to Camp John Hay, we quickly checked-in, dumped our stuff and rushed off to Ben Cabrera's lunch feast (BenCab is one of the most accomplished Filipino artists). Dizzy with hunger (it was well past lunchtime), we were greeted by a canao feast when we got to his namesake museum. We missed the ritual but got to eat (hands only, no utensils please) and watch the dances with gongs. Afterward, I wandered through the various floors of the museum and took photos of the pieces that most intrigued me (sadly, still stuck in my camera since I forgot to buy a card reader before I left - hmm, but SM Baguio is not too far).
I got to know some more of my fellow fellows a bit more and we all shared our anxieties about our respective poetics presentations, scheduled throughout the week. I'm not certain I approached the thing correctly and may cobble together a powerpoint or something; we'll see.
I have some office work that I need to complete for a client's website so I need to make time for that or Nina will kill me. So I tried to connect via WiFi only to be thwarted repeatedly. Until Vic came to the rescue and walked me through the process of checking and unchecking my settings and such. And so, I am connected - and Luis and Janet were correct! It's a strong signal and I should have no issues posting stuff, sending work back to the office via email and getting my news.
Tomorrow, the work portion of the workshop begins formally and I can't wait to see just what is what, poetics-wise ;)
Labels: baguio, writing workshop
Saturday, April 11, 2009
off to baguio
Since Sage was three years old, Easter has become a mini-Christmas for us. We indulge the pagan side of the celebration by buying lots of plastic eggs, filling them with all sorts of things which will delight a small child, hiding them all over the house (including the ref) and watching Sage turn the place upsidedown on Easter morning.
This afternoon, after checking out of the Crowne Plaza Hotel (where we retreated when we found out that there would be no electricty where we live on Good Friday), Nikki and I hit the malls and secured the toys for secreting in the eggs (with stuff for Rowan too). While selecting things for my kids, I felt bad that I wouldn't be there - but of course I understand that we, as parents, simply can't be there for our children all the time. It sucks, but it's true.
Another point of stress for me is all the work I'm leaving behind. Kestrel is in the middle of several things digital, and we're kneedeep in a couple of campaigns. I'm told that the place I'll be staying at has WiFi so communicating with the Kestrelfolk hopefully is not an issue. Work is simply impossible to completely behind - the curse (and blessing) of being a businessman.
But while family and livelihood are important, writing is too, in my totem pole of things. Writing usually takes a back seat in terms of priorities, but when it is writing's time, it's writing's time.
I'm one of the fellows for English fiction at the 48th UP National Writers Workshop over at the summer capital, along with eleven other writers (details are here and I have a page over here). I look forward to learning more from the panelists and my fellow writers - and yes, hopefully, get some writing done (I have three story deadlines looming). And some R&R, perhaps.
But I already miss my girls.
Labels: writing workshop
Monday, March 30, 2009
dragon time
Sage played paparazzi with her digital camera, racing the dragons as the parade moved around the mall, up and down the escalators - rushing back only to collect an errant shoe that flew, Cinderella-esque from one of her feet. Speaking of dragons, I told Karina Bolasco how impressive it was that Anvil had a marketing budget. Turns out she was quite surprised too (the budget for Vin's dragons comes from their Book Fair budget, so all of us other authors should not go around expecting such awesome props in our own launches ;) One such launch I'm very excited about is Yvette Tan's "Waking the Dead", her first collection of horror fiction.
Vin did great work as host and as editor and a draconic time was had by all - even through what seemed like a really long time signing books. Andrew's original art sold like hotcakes and I'm happy to have reserved his artwork for my story.
I took the opportunity to speak to Karina and Gwen about future books. My second collection of short fiction (yet untitled) will be released sometime in the fourth quarter of this year (I'd love to have Andrew provide artwork again, like he did for "The Kite of Stars" collection). Also, I'm putting together a new horror antho for Anvil, focusing on Philippine creatures of the night - more details soon when I work out precisely just what I want to see (but hey, a horror antho!). If the stars align, that will be an annual as well.
Thanks to Kyu and Lorra for the pictures!
Labels: a time for dragons, anthology
Friday, March 27, 2009
dark blue southern seas 2009

Labels: deep blue, f. jordan carnice, silliman, spec fic, speculative fiction
Thursday, March 26, 2009
early bird

Labels: apex book of world sf, spec fic, speculative fiction
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
the middle prince





Seeing these has gotten me even more excited about my upcoming illustrated children's book from Lampara. I wrote "How Rosang Taba Won A Race" in a burst several years ago - and read it to Sage (who liked it) and plan to read it to Rowan (and this time, as a real book). My editor, Augie Rivera, is keeping absolutely mum about who the artist is, so the anticipation is quite delicious.
Labels: book illustrations, carl manalo, the middle prince
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
a time for dragons

Labels: a time for dragons, andrew drilon, book launch, spec fic, vin simbulan
Friday, March 06, 2009
nvlddmkm, i despise you
"Successfully", my ass.
Now I am plagued with random, intermittent blackouts and issues. Searching the web, I find that I am not alone.
I'm off to explore fixes and downloads and engage in cruel hope that all will be well - while my monitor works (yes, for me it's akin to a doomsday scifi short story - racing against the oncoming RANDOM meteor).
Labels: vista sucks
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
psf iv launch vid
Thanks to Leo and Alex!
bibliophile stalker interview
Labels: interview
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
archived fiction: in the dim plane
In the Dim Plane
by Dean Francis Alfar
After the end of the world, the hardest thing to fight is loneliness. I have never been truly sociable and eschewed the company of the few others here. With almost no power left and no way to recover any more, I managed to secretly maintain only one animated skeleton for companionship in the frenzy of escaping Forlorn’s destruction. Between the two of us, my sanity, my world, is kept intact.
I had left my cave on my way to meet the others – something that happens every year or so, at their insistence - when I unexpectedly encountered a ghost.
It was a beautiful woman with dark hair and sad eyes.
In any other place, in any other time, this would not have fazed me. I am, or was, after all, the greatest Necromancer of Forlorn. However, in this place of shadows, on the Dim Plane, I had barely enough power to do the simplest unnatural thing and could not defend myself if this was one of the hungry ones.
“What do you want, ghost?” I said with false bravado, at a loss to explain how a ghost came to be here, in this remote sanctuary, in the first place.
“Please,” the ghost said, holding out a small ornate sandalwood box toward me.
Before I could reply, she dissolved into the dimness, the box she held settling down softly near my feet. I sensed that it was end of her tenuous existence. I took the box, both puzzled and pleased. Puzzled, because here was a mystery; pleased, because it was something I could think about.
Just as I was about to open the box, a voice boomed out from the dimness.
“Teros?”
It was Lord Jussin the Betrayer, broad-shouldered and crooked-nosed, also on his way to meet with the others. I quickly hid the box in my vestments. It was not something I wished to share with a spavined craven like Lord Jussin.
“Teros,” Lord Jussin said with a scowl. “It is you. Come, old man. We might as well walk together toward our tiresome pretense of bonhomie.”
A fallen paladin who had denounced his queen for the promise of power, I did not feel Lord Jussin deserved to be in the Dim Plane. But somehow he found a means to get here, as the others and I did, so we all had to co-exist in peace.
There are precisely five of us living in the Dim Plane, survivors of the end of the world that we knew forty years ago. Though at first we kept away from each other, as time passed we began to seek each other’s company. We didn’t speak much then; it was sufficient just to see that someone else was here. But eventually, we began to exchange glances of feigned disinterest, then to talk, and finally we agreed to regular gatherings, sometimes as often as twice a year. At least it was something to do.
Braxas, Harrower of Flame, was the first to approach me. Later, I made the acquaintance of Lizel Gorgist, the Widow’s Bane. Lord Jussin the Betrayer was next, and the maxim-laden polymath Resa Undermasque, who had bartered parts of her body for knowledge, was last.
On Forlorn, the world that we lost, we knew each other only by name and reputation, our interests and agendas separated by oceans and continents. Each of us had, in the past, ruled parts of the world or made war with those who stood in our way, through virtue of craft, blade, politics or poison. In the Dirmoth Archipelago, I built my kingdom of undead, crushed the noble houses that dared oppose me, and taught men to tremble at the mere mention of my name.
Very few could stand against any one of us in our respective domains, and in truth I had begun to make plans to teach the rest of the world the lessons known only by the dead. But all our plans were made pointless when the Ebonnites erupted from the bowels of world, unleashing terror that made our all our fell deeds and dark ambitions pale in comparison. The graves of Dirmoth, ancient and new, were exhausted before I conceded defeat.
The Ebonnites conquered Forlorn. And as far as we know, of the entire populace only five of us found the means to escape to this place of dolorous shadows where we know neither hunger nor thirst but only sempiternal tedium. Five of us, blackguards all. The irony is not lost on me.
Lord Jussin and I arrived at the circle of stones and found the others already there. Resa Undermasque, her violet eyes gleaming from behind her salt-encrusted veil, had taken her customary place while Lizel Gorgist, the scarred side of her face covered by tangled black locks, stood speaking to a clearly agitated Braxas.
“Teros!” Braxas exclaimed when he saw me. He limped in my direction. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Braxas thinks he’s seen a ghost,” said Lizel Gorgist, acknowledging my arrival with a slight nod. She raised a fractured crystal that was once so useful to her. “Even if this weren’t impotent, I wouldn’t need it to ascertain the absurdity of his fantasy. Here where there has been no one and nothing but us for forty years.”
“A ghost,” I repeated, hiding the trembling in my voice. If Braxas knew something about the apparition, then we would talk. But later, when the gathering was over and the others had left. “Why do you think you saw a ghost?”
“She’s come to… ” Braxas’ voice trailed off. He made as if to say more but ended up just gesturing in the thick air.
“I think you’ve gone mad,” said Lord Jussin, following his declaration with an unkind snort. “The dimness has finally claimed you.”
“No, I’m in full control of my faculties, Jussin,” Braxas replied, shaking his head. “I’m certain it was her.”
“Lord Jussin,” Lord Jussin offered as a curt correction, stroking his raddled beard. “Let us not forget who we are, even in exile.”
“The ghost, Braxas,” I asked, taking my place in the circle. “Who do you think she was?”
“Ah,” Lizel Gorgist exulted, finally putting away her dull crystal. “I wouldn’t mind a story. It’s been an age since Resa told us hers, remember?”
Resa Undermasque sat unmoving.
“Wouldn’t you all rather hear another of my exploits?” Lord Jussin said, resting his armored figure on a stone with aggrieved dignity. “It’s pathetic how we make do with whatever entertainment comes our way.”
I gestured for Lord Jussin to keep quiet. Lizel Gorgist seemed pleased at his silent outrage.
“So, who was she?” I asked Braxas once again.
Braxas, Harrower of Flame, sighed and sat down, obviously shaken. “Maia was the most beautiful woman in the world. I don’t care what you think, what you know, or who you’ve known. There was simply no question about it. One look at her and you were lost forever. And such a kindly woman too. No airs about her.”
“Sounds too good to be true,” Lizel Gorgist, the Widow’s Bane, shook her head. “In my experience, women like that have the heart of scorpions.”
“No one is interested in what you have to say,” Lord Jussin the Betrayer said.
“Gods of Forlorn!” I exploded. “Let him speak.”
Braxas smiled weakly and continued. “She was wed to my master, the great Antilos, Master of the Dark Elements. And while my master was a perfect teacher, he wasn’t known for his kindness, so we speculated often what Maia saw in him.”
“Who’s ‘we’?” asked Lizel Gorgist.
“My three brothers and I,” replied Braxas. “We were his students.”
“Certain things see beyond the surface,” Resa Undermasque uttered harshly from her place among the stones, startling all of us with a sudden motion of her robes. “Love sees what can be seen; desire prefers the taste of secrets and the tantalizing tang of the unknowable.”
We all averted our gazes from her form for a moment, allowing the sudden intense stench of fathomless oceans that came from her to waft over us. None of us uttered a word, unwilling to draw attention to the reek. We had leaned early on that she did not take kindly to candid observations. When the odor dissipated, I politely motioned for Braxas to continue.
“Where was I,” Braxas asked, taking a shallow breath. “Oh, yes. Master Antilos and Maia were wed. And he loved her and she loved him. My brothers and I continued our education and went on to specialize, each in a fatal elemental art. I mastered fire, of course.”
“Of course,” I said, shifting in my seat. In the fallen world, Braxas’ talent with punishing flame was justly feared.
“At the moment we achieved the pinnacle of craft, Master Antilos presented each one of us with identical rings, proof of our prowess in his eyes. Each of the rings bore his oriflamme, a closed fist. Receiving the ring was one of the happiest days of my existence. I wore it with pride for years.”
“Don’t make this story about you,” Lizel Gorgist said with a curled lip, tilting her head. “What about the woman?”
“One day-- ,” Braxas began.
“Widow’s Bane,” Lord Jussin the Betrayer intoned in a stentorian voice, fingering the pommel of his broken sword. “You will keep your mouth shut and listen to the story -- or else face my unholy wrath.”
Lizel Gorgist, whose subtle sorceries had slain numerous men better than Lord Jussin in the past, ignored the mordant threat and favored him instead with a smile filled with teeth. She offered no retort.
It would be pointless to fight anyway. Nothing worked here: Lizel Gorgist’s mystic artifacts were no more than odd trinkets and baubles, and the remnants of Lord Jussin’s blade would fail to break skin. The Dim Plane deadened everything we had. But still we kept what little we managed to bring from the old world. These things retain the potency of memory, reminding us of who we once were. I smiled at the notion that I was not alone in keeping what was dead close by.
“Carry on, Braxas,” Lord Jussin said, mollified.
“One day, Master Antilos woke up from a terrible dream. In his dream Maia was coupling with another man. Deeply disturbed -- for he believed in the provenance of dreams-- he began to brood and suspect her, confiding in no one, looking for any signs of an adulterous slant. He found none and life went on, but the quality of their togetherness had changed.”
“True, true,” whispered Resa Undermasque, her words accompanied by the rustle of fabric. “What remains unspoken breeds demons.”
I steadied myself against the customary saline stench that accompanied her words.
“It was a few years before the terrible day of confirmation arrived,” Braxas continued. “The world offered incontrovertible proof of his suspicions when he returned unexpectedly early from a sojourn. Looking for his wife, he found instead, in their bedchamber, wedged between the sheets, one of the rings he had given my brothers and myself. Outraged, he used his power to summon all of us, feigning a message from Maia herself. He thought that the guilty party would immediately attend to his traitorous wife’s call.”
“Now it gets interesting,” Lizel Gorgist said, moving closer to Braxas, oblivious to the dark stare of Lord Jussin the Betrayer.
“Who came?” I asked. “Which one was it?”
“I came,” Braxas said simply. “For I was her lover and had foolishly removed the ring before an act of passion, so as to reduce my guilt.”
“Well,” exclaimed Lord Jussin, raising a gray eyebrow. “Well, well.”
“Gods of Forlorn,” I murmured, tired of stories of the heart’s betrayal.
“Good for you, Braxas,” Lizel Gorgist said. She reached out a slender arm, patterned with tattoos that once held immeasurable power, and stroked Braxas’ bald head. “I always thought there was something behind your monkish exterior.”
“Speak,” hissed Resa Undermasque, her voice scarcely above a briny sigh. She shifted to a more comfortable position on her stone, issuing a glistening appendage from the depths of her discolored robes to maintain her balance as she moved, for an instant intimating just what she had willingly transformed herself into in times past.
Braxas gently pushed away Lizel Gorgist’s hand before he continued. “When I arrived, I was surprised to see my master. He brandished my ring in front of me and I would have perished then and there – for at that time he was more formidable than I – if not for the fact that the door opened. There another of my brothers stood, equally in shock, for he too, it turned out, enjoyed Maia’s graces. And in quick succession, my two other brothers arrived, one after the other, responding to the cry of the woman whom they also loved and knew in ways inappropriate to her status as a married woman.”
“I love this woman, I really do.” Lizel Gorgist’s laughter rose and faded in the dimness. For a moment, I imagined the deadly splendor of her lost youth in the way mirth shaped her mouth.
Lord Jussin the Betrayer stared into the shadows in silence.
“What happened next?” I asked, taking off my skullcap.
“We fought, of course,” Braxas said. “We each felt betrayed, each thinking we were the only recipient of Maia’s love. The room erupted in fire, was torn apart by wind, ravaged by an earthquake, and almost washed away in a deluge as my brothers and I fought each other and our master. It ended as suddenly as it began, with Master Antilos collapsing to his knees in tears. My brothers and I – our hearts were filled with an undeniable heaviness and felt full force the senselessness of fighting among ourselves when there was clearly only one person to blame.”
“The heart betrayed has no secrets left to hide,” murmured Resa Undermasque, a halo of salt crystals barely visible above her head. “And everything to prove.”
“Oh, no,” said Lizel Gorgist, holding the high collar of her tattered overcoat to cover her nose.
“The trollop deserved it,” said Lord Jussin, stepping a small distance away from Resa Undermasque.
Braxas fixed Lord Jussin with a steady glare before continuing. “We apologized to our master and swore to set things right. Master Antilos proved he was a better man than any of us by forgiving us. Together, we decided how Maia would pay for her quintuple deception.”
“Men,” said Lizel Gorgist, lowering her collar to spit. “Did any of you stop to think that you, each one of you, were just as complicit as she was?”
“Sadly, no,” replied Braxas. “We decided that death was too good for her.”
“Really?” I exclaimed in surprise.
“Let me guess,” offered Lizel Gorgist. “You decided to mar her beauty.”
“Yes,” nodded Braxas. “It would be worse than just killing her. After all, that was her only coin, being untrained in the ways of elemental art. We also decided that none of us would do it, being unwilling to further sully ourselves with her presence. So we commissioned a man to do it. A man whose word was his bond.”
“Who?” I asked.
“We hired Ordun the Handsome, the Gray Knife, to cut off her ring finger,” Braxas said.
I felt words recoil on my tongue.
Lord Jussin the Betrayer shuddered in the silence that followed. Lizel Gorgist, the Widow’s Bane, could do no more than sit back with a pained expression. And from Resa Undermasque’s place in the circle of stone came only an almost muted susurration.
“You commissioned Ordun the Handsome, the greatest assassin of Forlorn?” Lizel Gorgist shook her head. “As black as my heart was at the height of my powers when I broke away from the Sorceriat, Ordun’s feats outshadowed mine.”
“You found him? You could afford him?” Lord Jussin the Betrayer asked. Everyone in the circle of stone knew that Ordun’s fees were outrageous and that his craft prevented him from being located if he did not wish it.
“Master Antilos found him, pushing his abilities to their limits. And as for the fee, my Master offered him a principality in Nevim, and much more besides.”
“Who cares what he asked for,” Lizel Gorgist said. “Did he succeed?”
“Don’t you think hiring Ordun the Handsome was excessive?” asked Lord Jussin. “To cut off a woman’s finger?”
“We wanted the best and we wanted to make sure,” shrugged Braxas.
“Well,” said Lizel Gorgist. “I am certain she finds a way out somehow. She does, doesn’t she?”
“Doesn’t she?” I echoed.
“When Ordun the Handsome found Maia hiding atop an abandoned tower in the woods near Karvel, he took one look her and found himself startlingly, helplessly, in love.”
“In love?” asked Lord Jussin in disbelief.
“What?” I said.
“Yes!” cried Lizel Gorgist. “Now she has a chance.”
“But I thought the woman had no powers,” asked Lord Jussin. “How did she ensorcell Ordun?”
“She’s a woman,” Lizel Gorgist told Lord Jussin without looking at him. “That’s power enough.”
“It is love.” Resa Undermasque’s intricate veil fluttered, favoring us again with her brackish breath.
“Then what happened?” I asked, surreptitiously gasping for air.
“In that moment, they were all that mattered to each other. They held hands and spoke in the brief time they had. Maia confessed everything to him, leaving nothing unsaid, and Ordun the Handsome listened and loved her more for her courage and honesty. But there was still the matter of Maia’s ring finger. Without a single tear in her eyes, Maia offered hers to Ordun, taking a blade and putting her unsteady hand against a stone. She did not want him to be at odds with my master, my brothers and I. Having heard from him about his commission, she knew death awaited him if he failed to deliver. Ordun stopped her with a kiss and told her not to worry.”
“Oh,” said Lizel Gorgist. “Oh, I think I know what he’ll do next.”
“Ordun the Handsome had delicate hands, a requirement of his profession. He went to the other side of the tower roof and, unknown to Maia, cut off his own ring finger.”
“Oh, oh,” said Lizel Gorgist softly, covering her mouth with her hands.
“He did this quickly and in silence, then heard a gasp from Maia. While his back was to her, she had cut off her own finger. She raised the bloody digit and begged Ordun not to cut off his. She was speechless when he presented her his own severed finger.”
Resa Undermasque slowly shook her covered head.
“Such love is impossible,” Lord Jussin spoke quietly, as if besieged by memory.
I was already in tears. I looked around the circle of stones and found moisture welling up in Lord Jussin the Betrayer’s eyes; perhaps the old boor had a heart after all.
“Then we arrived,” Braxas said suddenly. “Soon after we sent Ordun the Handsome off, we started talking and realized how much we all loved Maia and were more than willing to forgive her and settle things somehow. After the tide of anger we were consumed by deep remorse and set off to stop Ordun from completing the terrible thing we had tasked him with. By combining our powers with that of Master Antilos, we were able to discern where they were, heard their conversation and surmised what was about to happen. We moved as fast as we could, by flame and wind and earth and water.”
“But you bastards were too late,” Lord Jussin interrupted.
“When we completed our ascent to the tower roof,” Braxas continued, “we came upon Maia and Ordun the Handsome, each with a finger cut. Ordun exploded into action and fought against us. Try as we might, we could not stop to talk – so puissant and vicious was Ordun at his craft that none of us could risk a word to enlighten him about our intent. He thought we were going to kill him for his betrayal.”
“I’ would have fought you all too,” I said, clenching my fists.
“As would’ve I,” boomed Lord Jussin, his tired eyes consumed with lost fire. “For love. And survival.”
Braxas nodded. “None of us wanted to harm or kill either Maia or Ordun the Handsome. At least that’s what I believe to this day. But with Ordun’s prowess and our summoning of the elements and various expressions of power, what happened next was inevitable. There was a tremendous explosion that devastated the tower.”
“No,” exclaimed Lizel Gorgist. “What happened to Maia?”
“When I regained my wits, I found myself on the ground, surrounded by the remnants of the tower – and the bodies of my three brothers. I wrenched myself free from where I was pinned and was moved to tears when I came across the hollowed-out form of my Master. Maia I found, barely alive. Cradled in her hands were two severed fingers – hers and Ordun’s.”
“And Ordun?” I asked, almost breathless.
“There was no trace of him at the rubble, so I assumed he survived and fled while he could. Though it must be said that the end of Forlorn was less than a year away, so I don’t know if he survived the Ebonnites.”
“Gods,” I whispered, my mind awhirl.
“And Maia?” Lizel Gorgist asked.
“I carried her back with me, did what I could to restore her finger to her hand. The physic who helped us told us that it would not be the same but offered as a consolation that at least she wasn’t incomplete. She sat through this all in silence, while the physic set and stitched and I explained to her about how everything came to pass. She wouldn’t say a word to me, and, if I remember correctly, never shed a tear. I left for a few hours to inform the necessary people about the deaths of my master and of my brothers. When I returned, she was gone.”
“She was gone?” asked Lord Jussin the Betrayer. “Just like that? Couldn’t a man of your abilities find her?”
“He let her go,” said Resa Undermasque quietly as the penumbra of salt around her head gently dispersed. “There are those who are not ours to keep.”
I felt the sting of her words and closed my eyes briefly.
“I did not wish to impose upon her heart,” Braxas admitted, lowering his head into his hands. “I knew that at the end, it was Ordun whom she loved. I never saw her again. The end of Forlorn saw to that. Well, until tonight when I thought I saw her ghost.”
The five of us sat in silence for a few moments, unmoving statues lost in reflection.
“She would not have stayed with you,” Lizel Gorgist softly told Braxas. “I know that kind of woman. She made her choice. I hope she found sanctuary somewhere, like we did.”
Lord Jussin stood up slowly and stretched his arms and legs in order. “I’ll take my leave now,” he told us. “Thank you for the small diversion, Braxas. It amused me, quite unexpectedly. ” He bowed and moved away.
“Gods of Forlorn,” I said under my breath, my thoughts on the contents of the ghost’s box I kept hidden on my person. I knew now, even without looking, what it contained, and how it would change my life.
“Listen, Braxas,” Lizel Gorgist said. “If it was her spirit you saw, then she was looking for him and not for you. Take what comfort you can from that.” She stood and took her leave, parting the shadows with her outstretched arms to return to her secret place on the Dim Plane, where she kept all her dead artifacts.
“I’m leaving as well,” I told Braxas, donning my equally useless skullcap. “I have something I need to do. Thank you for the story.”
“But Maia’s ghost– “ Braxas said, looking up to where I stood. “It was her I saw earlier. You must believe me.”
“I do. But like the Widow’s Bane, I also believe that she is gone and had no quarrel with you.”
“But how did she get here?” asked Braxas. “You know all about the undead. Tell me.”
It was the salt-tinged whisper of Resa Undermasque that answered him, fading, as its owner did, into the dimness. “A questing heart knows no boundaries.”
Braxas lowered his head.
“Fare you well, Braxas, Harrower of Flame,” I said, offering my arm.
“Fare you well then, Teros, Doom of Dirmoth,” Braxas said formally, clasping my arm in the manner of his people. “And thank you.”
I thought of the ghost and how it was me, and not Braxas, that she sought as I made my way through the dimness back to my haunt.
How did she know?
I could only admire her courage. And her devotion.
I reflected on the unassailable fact that years in exile changed people. I was simply not the man I used to be – which made my next choice easier to make but no less difficult to bear.
I entered my cave and moved into the central chamber where the last skeleton under my power sat mutely, tapping away time with nine fingers on a smooth stone.
Sensing my presence, he tilted his head toward me.
At that moment, I felt profound sorrow. Up until the time I left my cave earlier, just before Braxas and his story, I would never have considered, never even dreamed, of my next action.
Gods of Forlorn, how did she know?
He was mine. He was all I had left of the old world, my old world. By completing him I would lose him.
“Ordun,” I called to the skeleton, determined to act before my heart betrayed me. I retrieved the ghost’s box from within my vestments, my eyes wet as I prepared to say goodbye.
“I have something that belongs to you.”
*from "The Kite of Stars and other Stories"
** illustration by Andrew Drilon
Labels: spec fic, speculative fiction



